the first ramblings

First things first to anyone else who reads this blog, I was never good in English, so you will probably find miss spelling if I forget to spell check, as well as run on sentences like this one. Also I will not post comments with foul language in them or anything else that I see unfit.

The things I have been struggling with lately have been about being an adult. There are so many things that you never hear about when you are growing up. First thing that comes to mind is Santa Clause. I do not remember how old I was when I found out that he is not real, in fact I don't remember when i thought he was real. So for as long as I can remember I knew that Santa was not real, but I was never prepared for the Christmas when I was an adult and I became "Santa". It was like the magic of Christmas morning was gone. I have since had children (2 girls) and I try to make it magical for them, but I never knew what my parents did for us as kids. I am learning everyday that the things that were special when I was a kid didn't always come naturally for my parents. As a parent and an Adult there are many thing that we have to make happen if they are going to happen. Maybe it is not all people and maybe it is just me but it has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I love my children but so many times I hear my self grumbling no when they ask to do different thing with me. At Christmas time last year I thought it would be nice to make cookies with my oldest (4 1/2 and the time) I thought that we could do it every year and when she was older she could look back on this time and remember the time we spent together. I don't know if my mom ever made cookies with us (there are 3 of us kids), I don't really have any memories of it so I thought that we would make a new tradition. Well for me it was not so fun to make cookies with Delaney. There was a mess and she wanted to eat the cookie dough and the icing and her attention span of course was short. I thought that it would be a natural thing to do and things would run smoothly. That is what we always see on tv! LOL well we do not live on TV! This project perhaps could have gone more smoothly if I didn't have the type A personality, where I need to be in control of everything and have everything perfect. I am slowing realizing that I can not have control of everything, and there is nothing that is perfect, except GOD! Well that is all for tonight I guess, sorry it is a bunch of ramblings maybe as I continue it will be better organized LOL I guess we will see!